phoeny: (Accidentally in Love)
[personal profile] phoeny
Fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena
Characters/Pairings: Utena/Anthy
Rating: K+
Warnings: Some dialogue taken from episode 37
Notes: For 10_shakespeare @ LJ. It was harder than expected to be in Utena's POV. I have no problem with Anthy's but Utena's a doozy.


Fool's Arcana

"But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve for daws to peck at; I am not what I am."-- Iago (I.i.60)
Othello





A letter from the End of the World had finally arrived. I tore it into pieces, scattering them across my bed. She had said, "I wish we could all stay like this forever..." and something was triggered in me. I had enough.

What was the point?

The Student Council kept quiet ever since the last battle with Touga. Even he seemed unsure of what was beyond the final duel.

Revolution? Was it really that easy to obtain it?

Swoosh, as the ball went in the basket.

Juri-senpai and Miki-kun stopped by, asked me to play badminton with them. It was fun, probably the most fun I've had in a month. It was great not dueling them for a change. And for that moment I didn't have to think about it.

I'm glad to have these two as friends. I thought, as I swung overhead at the birdie.


When I went back to change, the pieces were gone. So be it.

She wasn't here either. Not that I particularly minded. It was getting more and more difficult avoiding her ever since...

No I'm not noble.

I shook my head. Not the train of thought I wanted to take. I absentmindedly took off my clothes and wrapped a towel around my body. "Everyone has secrets they have to keep, right?" I questioned myself.

What would a Prince do?

She seemed to have caught on that I was avoiding her; hence she now avoided me. At least we are still amicable--I think.

I am...not sure anymore. I'm not sure of anything at this point.

A Prince saves the day.

The shower spray is cold. I jumped out, letting it warm under my fingers before I stepped back in. Water cascaded down my back as I tilted my head up.

No I'm not a Prince. Princes are fools.

I grimly thought that over. I didn't live up to a Prince's standard.

A Prince believes against the odds.

Working the shampoo into my hair, I thought back to the ripped up letter. The End of the World...

Do you believe in The End of the World?

Honestly, I could care less. It just happened to be the final stage.

Do you believe in Himemiya?

That was a different matter altogether. I--I... don't know anymore. All I heard was the tick, tick of the clock in my mind as I mulled it over. Again and again until my skin looked like a prune from the water. I'll think about it later. However I couldn't shake off what Juri-senpai said.

"All I've been doing is playing prince."

"You love her, don't you?" Senpai questioned as I heard her shoes shuffled from leaning back against the pillar. Miki was opposite me, crouching down.

"Himemiya and I..."


I sighed.

-----


"You seem very girlish tonight." He said. I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or a tease. It wasn't exactly a comfortable answer either. Something felt off. So I chose to dwell on it as I stared out the window. Eventually all this thinking was gonna make my head spin.

"In the end, all girls are Rose Brides," she said as she clasped my hand gently. That answer made me uncomfortable as well, and again, I felt like sympathizing with her.

"If you go to that castle, you'll meet your prince," she continued. That may be true, but her statement clashed with some feeling I have deep inside. I think she meant to be reassuring, but--

But.

I would be leaving her. If I don't go I wouldn't have the power to revolutionize the world. The problem I seem to be stuck on is why would I want that power in the first place? I think it's foolish to want for a power none of us seem to know what it would revolutionize exactly.

Just like an ideal prince is a foolish thought.

'All girls are Rose Brides' huh, Himemiya?

I clasped her hand as well. No matter what rift is between us, I still care for Himemiya. I can change this. Would I be able to change the Rose Bride's fate if I had the power? Would Himemiya want that? What do I truly want then?

I want her to have the freedom to be.

---


Himemiya came up to me as I was on the grass, just after speaking with Touga and Saionji. She held something in her hands. The letter pieces were taped together, very much whole again.

But I am a fool.
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April 2012

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